GoT: A Fight to the Death

Sunday, June 15, 2014

That was so freaking awesome!

A whole episode just at the wall? Jon Jon as a leader and potential battle hero? I have to admit my expectation bar was set at mediocre. Other than realizing I can be wrong, I also learned the following:

A giant troll riding a woolly mammoth can be believable and looks so freaking awesome!!

Jon Jon is so bad*ss, looks super hot when the wind blows through his curly locks (digression - how does he get hair product delivered to Castle Black?), and is so freaking awesome!!

Dropping a scythe is effective and so freaking awesome!!

Whenever you slow down the camera shot as a person is dying in someone else's arms, it makes the scene so much more heartbreaking and freaking awesome!!

Ghost has an odd appetite and is so freaking awesome!!

Janos Slynt is a pussy and I no longer like owls.

For the death pool, this week was a mass casualty situation and it took awhile to sort through the carnage. Oddly enough, Alliser Thorne was never drafted so none of the Ls & Ls are waiting on edge to see if he's survived his little scrapes and bruises. Here's where we stand:

1. The LOS has regained her rightful position, for now. There are several team members on the chopping block this week (Tyrion, Arya, Mance) so cautious optimism is warranted.
2. The LOWL is in the first losers position but it's not looking good for the season ender... he's leading with 4 casualties.
3. The LOW suffered a big loss with Ygritte but the rest of her team is likely safe for this week.
4. The LOA lost a Night's Watchman and The Hound isn't in a super supportive environment right now so it could get worse before it gets better. Think about all of the impending doom - it's good for your anxiety.

Lady of Sparklefell (LOS)

Tyrion Lannister

Arya Stark

Bronn (Tyrion's knight)

Davos Seaworth

Margaery Tyrell

~~Lysa Tully~~ (RIP season 4, episode 7)

Podrick Payne

~~Talisa Maegyr~~ (RIP season 3, episode 9)

Jon Umber

Loras Tyrell

Gendry

Mance Rayder

Gilly - baby mama

Brynden Tully - Edmuer's dad

Edmuer Tully - married during Red Wedding

Olenna Tyrell - gma

Grand Maester Pycelle - old dude with a spring in his step

Lord of Wolverine Landing (LOWL)

Jaime Lannister

Peter Baelish ("Littlefinger")

Jorah Mormont

Jon Snow

~~Rob Stark~~ (RIP season 3, episode 9)

Bran Stark

Joffrey Baratheon (RIP season 4, episode 2)

~~Jeor Mormont~~ (RIP season 3, episode 4)

Yara Greyjoy

Lancel Lannister

~~Gregor Clegane~~ - The "Mountain" (RIP season 4, episode 8)

Dany's knight (name TBD)

Dolorous Edd Tollett - Nights' Watchman

Jojen Reed - Love Actually kid

Thoros of Myr - Red Priest with Melisandre

Meryn Trant - King's Guard

Missandei - wicked hair with Dany

Lady of Whimsy (LOW)

Cersei Lannister

Daenerys Targaryen, hereafter referred to as Dany

Tywin Lannister

Sansa Stark

Theon Greyjoy

Varys

Samwell Tarly

Stannis Baratheon (father of the demon vag baby)

~~Ygritte~~ (RIP season 4, episode 9)

Balon Greyjoy

Rickon Stark

Ramsay Snow

Tormund Giantsbane - giant ginger wildling leader

~~Rast~~ - Nights' Watchman (RIP season 4, episode 6)

~~Locke~~ (RIP season 4, episode 6)

Sir Barriston - old dude with Dany

Daario Naharis - Fabio

Lord of Anxietyhall (LOA)

~~Catelyn Stark~~ (RIP season 3, episode 9)

Sandor Clegane ("The Hound")

Brienne of Tarth

Melisandre the Sorceress (mother of the demon vag baby)

Shae

Dagmer Greyjoy (first mate)

Hodor

Osha

Qyburn

Maester Aemon

Jagen H'Ghar

~~Ros, that slut~~ (RIP season 3, episode 6)

~~Grenn - Nights' Watchman~~ (RIP season 4, episode 9)

Meera Reed - Love Actually kid's sister

Walder Frey - evil bastard

Roose Bolton - stabbed Rob

Grey worm

Monday, June 2, 2014

WTF that's some FUS!

I'm sorry Mr. Clegane... what were your final words to Lord Oberyn? I couldn't hear them over the sound of my own screaming voice.

And HBO abbreviation creators... "Graphic Violence"? This leads fair ladies such as myself to expect the typical throat slitting, a spear through the chest, a sword through the back of the head, as well as other forms of mischievery. What it does NOT imply is that I will be watching someone's teeth bounce off the floor like a set of marbles or witness his eyes get pushed out of the back of his head by a pair of Twinkie sized thumbs. That is a whole other level of f'd up sh*t. May I suggest "FUS" for future use?

And Sansa... apparently one little finger is all it takes to turn a ginger no soul into a dirty dirty power seeking whore. I didn't think you had it in you. But you did. You've had it in you. See what I did there?

And Ser Jorah... karma's such a bitch. Also karma has been renamed in the Seven Kingdoms - she goes by Khaleesi.

I can't even look at this picture without gagging.

And Ramsay... no longer a bastard. Well he kind of is, but this term of endearment is just less accurate now. I refuse to call him King of the North, at least until he finds out and starts ripping off my toe nails one by one while he gives me paper cuts between my fingers and makes me watch while he replaces my Heinz with Hunt's and reorganizes my DVDs (my own personal forms of torture). Side note / WTF moment - He'll be needing a bath? WTFWTFWTF.

And GoT writers... humor? I think the Ls & Ls LOL'd a time or two in the midst of all of the FUS. How could you not - Arya's bout of hysterics is just so infectious, although not as infectious as The Hound's necrotic shoulder.

And who knew a five minute monologue on beetles could be so intriguing? Does anyone else sense that Tyrion's cousin was inspired by Lenny?

And can someone please get Reek some freaking Prozac?! It's in the medicine chest right next to his pillar and stones.

And finally... The LOWL takes his rightful place in the loser's position. That's what happens when you question why it matters if it's Heinz. Consequences (you only wish it was karma).

The rankings: