Week 10 Predictions: Winter is here.

Well, after last week's dramatic conclusion I'm not sure what to think!  I have a few theories, but my predictions for weeks 1-9 haven't quite panned out so what the hell... let's go rogue:

Joffrey will go to therapy, realize his mistakes, and become the man of every lady's dreams.
All of the gingers will be killed in a ginger apocalypse.
Hodor will present an eloquent monologue.
Rob Stark (King of the North!, RIP) will return as a White Walker and launch the ginger apocalypse.
Tyrion will complete the 12 steps and commit his life to educating others on the benefits of sobriety.
Theon will stop being a douche and his weiner will regrow like a worm that's been cut in half.
Brann will have normal dreams.
Jon Snow will shave his head and will know something.
Cersei will feed the poor, bath the sick, and stop f'ing her brother.
Arya will grow out her hair, start wearing a dress, and beg Sansa to help with combing her Barbie's hair... shortly thereafter Sansa will be killed in the ginger apocalypse.
Podrick will have to start paying at the brothel while Stannis gets his action for free.
Melisandre will buy some candle snuffers and will use them before being killed in the ginger apocalypse.
Ygritte will join PETA and will then die in the ginger apocalypse.
Brienne will finally off the King Slayer and stop being such a sucker.
Loras will like girls.
The Hound will worship the Lord of Light.
Samwell will stop being a pussy and Ginny will know the meaning of words.
Greyworm will change his name to Princess Consuela Banana Hammock.

Davos will read the entire GoT series.
Margaery will bitch slap Cersei and say, "If I were your sister, I wouldn't have done that."
Dany will keep her clothes on.
I will remember who Gendry is.

Week 9 Recap: WTF!WTF!WTF!WTF! #redwedding

I think we all know what happened last week... am I right?  I bet you made an OMG face!  The L's & L's did too... although I can't confirm what the LOA looked like because he bailed, hence a violation has been filed.  He will pay the iron price.  I will forego a legit recap to spare you from life altering spoilers but let's just say hearts were broken, tears were shed, debts were repaid, and lives were changed.  The show was pretty good too.

Week 9 Predictions: Winter is Coming

It's true... absence makes the heart grow fonder!  GoT, we've missed you!!  If season 3 follows the series precedent, our death pool is about to get interesting.  The LOW will be absent for tonight's viewing and has failed to complete the appropriate documentation, thus she has fallen to last place.  Stock up my Lady!!  Here's what I predict for this week's episode:

Brann.  Three eyed crow.

Perhaps another wedding... Joffrey and Margaery?  Cersei and Loras?  I hope it's as glorious as Tyrion and Sansa's.  So romantical.

Theon will lose his balls.  This will take awhile because they're hard to find.

Melisandre will give birth to Deuce.

Arya's homecoming dreams are ruined when her family doesn't recognize the new little boy in camp.

Robb (King of the North!) and Catelyn discover Sansa has been wed to Tyrion.  All hell breaks loose.

Jon Jon will finally have to prove which side he's on.  Orell might play a role in this.  Maybe he'll set up a situation where it will come between protecting Ygritte and killing a Crow.  The Night's Watchman is doneso.

Jaime finally makes it back to King's Landing.  A lot has changed in his absence and he is NOT happy about it.

Someone is going to die this week.  I'm thinking Talisa.  Revenge always makes for an interesting finale and nobody does a better revenge-filled death glare than Robb (King of the North!).

A Classic Fairy Tale

Ah, it's the old girl is betrothed to boy, boy becomes king, girl's father is tried for treason, boy becomes betrothed to another, girl weds boy's uncle story.  We've heard it a million times.  And wasn't it a lovely evening?  Besides the beautiful nuptials, here's what else we learned during week 8:

Samwell is that guy that the stewardess is talking to on a plane at the end of the flight when he/she reminds everyone to check around their seat and seat-back pocket for personal belongings.  Even if he left the weird arrow-head behind, he's still an accidental hero.  Also, he's terrified of birds.

Ginny needs to read "1000 Baby Names".  Crastor?  That's the best you can come up with?

Arya needs to give up archery and work on her rock-to-the-head skills.  

Davos needs Hooked on Phonics.  I bet this is his first purchase now that he's free.

Cersei will cut a bitch if they call her "sister".  She also doesn't give a sh*t what Loras's father says.

Tyrion loves the nectar of the gods!  Sansa's not a fan but I have a feeling she'll acquire the taste.  She may learn to like wine too.  Side note - I bet Tyrion hates Merlot.  All respectable winos hate Merlot.

Melisandre is always prepared for a spur of the moment fishing trip.

Now that I know who Gendry is, I can't help feeling bad for him.  First he narrowly escapes Castle Black, then he's kidnapped (and by a ginger no less), then he finds out his dad is the dead king, then just as he's getting laid for the first time in one can only guess is EVER, his 50 Shades fantasy gets all sorts of messed up.  Rough life kid.

Dany needs to learn the meaning of two words:  modesty and bitchslap.  Guest or not, Titan's Bastard needed to lose more than his head. Side note - does anyone else find an eerie similarity between Daario and the Beast?

Joffrey is still a douche.  Hearing him refer to himself as a father made me want to vomit.  I wish Tyrion would have followed through with his threat...eye for an eye, dick for a dick.