That was beary beary scary!

This week brought one blow after another, some of the verbal assault variety, and others of the X-rated variety (except for Theon who bid farewell to that part of his life forever), but mostly of the kick in the teeth variety.  I mean, I really thought Brienne was a goner.  Then I thought Jaime was a goner.  Then nobody died and I was a little disappointed.  Then things got really romantical which is weird, but where's my wedding?  I love a good rom com just like any other reasonable Lady, but Sunday nights are for boobs and blood, not the next Matthew McConaughey / Katherine Heigl disaster. Then they reveal that there are only three more episodes???!!!  Devastating.  There are so many weddings and impending battles, but so few deaths.  Let's just hope that the precedent set by season 1 and 2 hold true - we may be in for a crazy last few weeks!  Here's where we stand after week 7:

As expected, Shae is NOT happy with Tyrion's little arrangement.  Wait for it... There it is.  There's not much she can do about it, but voicing her displeasure has become one of Shae's hallmarks.  Tyrion is hoping to have his cake and eat it too.  He may have to settle for fish pie.

Talisa must have recently had a pedicure because those toes were immaculate.  Too bad it's all for nothing - her time is about to be spent in the kitchen barefoot cuz that b*tch is preggo.  

Ygritte is the most sought-after Wildling south of The Wall.  She's not into Wargs these days and she and Jon Jon are happy as can be skipping through the hills as if they've been re-cast as the Vonn Trapp children in a slightly more adult version of the Sound of Music.  Orell is out of luck, for now.  

Jaime really wants us to like him so he sells a sob story better than the whimpering contestants on American Idol who grew up deaf in rough neighborhoods after surviving a car accident that killed both their parents and left them homeless with nothing but their music to keep them alive.  Then he acts like a D-bag and we remember that we hate him.  Then he saves Brienne from a freaking bear.  Just when we were almost team Lannister, he exits like a royal D-bag and we wish the bear would have cut off his other hand.

As predicted last week, Theon will be walking with a limp, just for a totally different reason.  After he proved that men truly do think with their penis, his "brain" joined the GoT severed body part graveyard with Jaime's hand.  Hey, maybe they can keep each other company.

The Hound captured Arya.  Why can she not just stay put?  How will Jaime return you to your family?  He made a promise and has a debt to pay!!

Gendry gets the results of his paternity test via Melisandre.  Some things are better left unknown.

Dany wants to free all of the slaves in Yunkai.  Ser Jorah disagrees.  She's the mother of dragons and will do whatever she damn well pleases.  She threatens the mystery representative and he backs down but something tells me this battle isn't over.  People will burn. 

Sansa does not want to "make sandwiches" with Tyrion, she wants to "make sandwiches" with Loras.  Loras would rather "make sandwiches" with Tyrion who would rather "make sandwiches" with Shae.  Bronn thinks "making sandwiches" with Sansa would be epic.  Margaery reminds Sansa that she's the only one who's really f'd.

Joffrey calls for his grandfather.  This scene was a bit odd to me at first.  Who sits in a massive throne room surrounded by burning fire pits on a chair that does not appear all that comfy?  He could have at least brought a good book or the most recent issue of Good Housekeeping.  Then he gets verbally b*tch-slapped by Tywin and I could care less.

The LOA has a debt to pay for last week's antics.  Hope he's feeling Lannister-ish, in the debt-repaying way, not in the maniacal shoot Ladies in the boob kind of way.