#PPWSD (SPOILER ALERT)

Huh.  Did not see that coming.  Just when we think we've recovered from PRWSD, now we have to face the aftermath of last week's Purple Wedding. Shocking as it was, I'm now so conflicted.  Do I cheer with joy?  Gasp in horror?  I'm so happy yet so sad... who will sadistically abuse the men and women of the Capital?  Who will kill the remaining Starks?  Who will mock the death of Sansa's family and take pleasure in Tyrion's shortcomings, pun intended?  While I grapple with my opposing emotions, much like how America felt when the Backstreet Boys reunited without Kevin, let's recap the standings after Joffrey's demise:

1.  Lady of Whimsey - still with her full team intact!
2.  Lady of Sparklefell - only one member down, just like Jaime
3.  Lord of Anxietyhall - this is what one gets for drafting Ros, that slut
4.  Lord of Wolverine Landing - Joffrey's latest victim

There was so much going on in last week's episode so here's a quick recap of what we learned, other than Joffrey just had the worst wedding ever (episode to air on TLC in July)...

• Ramsays' dogs are as bat-sh*t crazy as he is.  What kind of dog eats a human girl?
• Reek is clearly a woman.  No wiener AND no balls.
• Roose Bolton knows Bran and Rickon are alive!  
• Brann must have found some wicked LSD in the forest because he is now crystal clear on where is is supposed to go.
• Brienne loves Jaime and Cersei knows it.  Jaime loves Cersei and Loras knows it.  Phoebe loves Jacques Cousteau and doesn't care who knows it.

Phoebe loves Jacques Cousteau

• Shae is sailing away (to the classic Styx melody).
• Since Shae is gone, they couldn't serve fish pie at the reception.  Everyone had to settle for pigeon pie which the bride swears is just as good but everyone knows that clearly it is not.
• Reception entertainment in King's Landing is so elaborately offensive it makes open bar, strippers, and a pill popping buffet seem like standard procedure for a four year old's birthday party.
• Cersei hates poverty.  Not the issue of poverty itself, but the actual poor starving people.

• Tyrion is going to spend more time in prison than DMX.

So who dunnit?  George RR Martin intended for the killer to be left in question and there are plenty of people who would want Joffrey dead, but none have more reason to kill the little inbred SOB than Sansa.  Joffrey killed her dad, her brother and mother (by proxy), and the best whore in Westeros.  She had the two key ingredients for murder:  motive and opportunity.  Plus, she has a risk factor that predisposes her for evil behavior - she's a ginger no soul.  When Joffrey kicked the goblet under the table, Sansa could have added a little secret sauce.  She was awfully anxious to leave the party all of a sudden and something tells me it wasn't something she ate.  Other potential culprits include Margaery, Olenna Tyrell, and Oberyn but my bets are on sneaky Sansa.

This week we may see where Sansa is headed, what Tyrion will get to eat in prison (I bet it's not fish pie), how Brann deals with detox, and whether Gilly and Sam will win Parents of the Year.  All I know for sure is that the LOWL is bringing the booze.