Sticky Situations

Episode 3 found most of our female, and some of our male, protagonists in sticky situations - some more literally than others.  

Sansa escaped.  One could also argue she was kidnapped but hindsight is 20/20.  Side note - something that is NOT 20/20 is Dontos' vision, especially now that he's been shot in the face with an arrow.  RIP Dontos, RIP.  Either way, Sansa's on a boat and is about to get Littlefingered*.  Sticky factor:  figurative and moderate... for now.  This could become literal and severe depending on Littlefinger's imagination.  He always wanted Catelyn and now may have to settle for her daughter.  Littlefinger strikes me as the type who is just fine with settling.

As any bride can attest, the week after a wedding is always such a let down.  Nothing to plan, nothing to look forward to, and nothing to b*tch about.  I can only imagine the slump Margaery found herself in after the Purple Wedding.  The poor girl probably didn't even get to keep the presents from Bastards, Brothels & Beyond.  Sticky factor:  figurative and mild.  Boo hoo, I'm not a queen either.  Severity could escalate depending on how the Lannisters choose to handle her presence now that she isn't part of the family.  I hope she gets betrothed to Jaime because nothing says family values like marrying the sister of your sister/lover's brother.  Speaking of...

We've seen that these Lannisters can throw one hell of a wedding, but boy their funerals are just epic.  While mourning the death of her devil child, Cersei finds herself feeling vulnerable.  She does what any vulnerable women does after losing her child - runs to the fake metal arm of the child's father (father, brother, whatevs).  Jaime does not take kindly to her flinching at the feel of his cold stiff golden fingers on her cheek and Cersei ends up in the ultimate sticky situation and clearly, Jaime does not care.  Sticky factor:  literal and severe.  Nobody is around to get pushed out of a window this time because Tommen is off being slapped in the face with some wisdom by Grandpa Tywin.

Use to assess Arya's sticky situation factor.

Arya get to eat some rabbit stew.  Sticky factor:  none, but we can reassess in 24 hours using this chart:

Gilly has been left in Molestown to cook and clean for a brothel because Sam has to focus on things bigger than her lady bits.  He is worried about the men of the Night's Watch harming her and a brothel is the clear choice for safety and lady bit protection.  Sticky factor:  literal and mild.  Whore houses are known to be the stickiest of all the houses.

Tyrion will spend the rest of his days (ie, a forthnight) in prison.  I don't even think Johnnie Cochran can get him out of this pickle.  Podrick will have to take his skill set elsewhere.  I would recommend Dorne.  They seem to appreciate a man of his talents.  Sticky factor:  figurative and severe.  Speaking of Dorne...

Prince Oberyn and his lady love seem quite content in King's Landing.  He is taking lessons from Dany and came to the Capital to play.  Play on playa.  Sticky factor:  so literal you can practically smell it.  Oberyn will have to take a leave of absence from his playpen for a hot minute to sit as a judge for Tyrion's trial with Tywin and Mace Tyrell.  This could go either way, just like Oberyn.

Dany watches a literal pissing match and we're all a little relieved that R Kelly sat this one out.  When it's over, she launches barrels of slave collars over the wall.  She sure knows how to send a message.

Stannis bores me so until he's a headliner in the death pool, I refuse to acknowledge his presence.

I hope we see Theon this week.  I miss his sniveling.  Sticky factor:  stored in a box.  

*Witty commentary compliments of the LOWL.